Ten Wargaming Commandments

[Orcs]

Not sure if these are in the right link - did think about putting them under rules

1 You shall have no other hobbies before Wargaming

2 You shall purchase enough graven images to exceed your own body weight

3 You shall not curse the rule writers for their jargon, particuarly Phil Barkers "Barkerese".

4 Remember to attend on Club night

5 Honour H.G Wells, Donald Featherstone and Terry Wise in that order

6 Though shalt not play with unpainted figures or models

7 Do not play with other people's figures without permission.

8 Thou shall not cheat.

9 Do not be drawn into Games Workshop no matter how shiny the figures are, lest you be decieved that Gorka Morka is a true wargame. 

10 You shall not covet  your friends wargames room. nor his figure collection, nor his terrain, nor his book collection or anythig of his that is wargames related. -

[FierceKitty]

Uh uh. The One True Decalogue follows:
1)  Thou shalt buy faster than thou canst paint.
2)  Thou shalt go on like a prophet on the strength of having read three Ospreys.
3)  Thou shalt winge until thy voice giveth out about how thy opponents always get better movement rolls, melee rolls, shooting rolls....
4)  Thou shalt endlessly run down figures made by makers other than Pendraken.
5)  Then thou shalt buy them anyway.
6)  Thou shalt not heed rational rules of grammar and punctuation in thy postings.
7)  Thou shalt spend more time analysing why thou didst lose than in actually trying to make sound tactical decisions.
  Thou shalt secretly dream of playing Gaugamela, Sekigahara, Waterloo, Gettysburg, and Alamein in a single weekend.
9)  Thou shalt not blush to indulge a taste for cheap confectionery before other wargamers, all of whom share it anyway.
10) Thou shalt call for the addition of a conquest of Mexico range before Easter. It is for a beatitude to the gods of wargaming to do so while wearing a Tarleton or bewailing the lack of a Panzer Mk 6 (the one with the bullet-proof schnapps tank behind the radiator) from the range.

[Luddite]

Now then Just a few Orcs...

1. Maybe

2. Difficult

3. Impossible

4. Certain

5. Maybe

6. Certain

7. Certain

8. Certain.  Unless playing Illuminati.  Which isn't a wargame.

9. Difficult.  Oooh shiney.  Â£20 for one figure...i think i've just been mugged.

10. Impossible and undesirable.

[Blaker]

      

The Twenty Wargaming Commandments and then an answer were just great!!

[Hertsblue]

10 You shall not covet  your friends wargames room. nor his figure collection, nor his terrain, nor his book collection or anythig of his that is wargames related. -

So his wife, car and house are fair game, eh? 

[FierceKitty]

A new commandment I give unto ye, that ye thump one another.

[Luddite]

11. If thou movest thine figures and taketh back said move, thou shalt put them back where they bloody well were, not 4" away facing in a new direction.

12. Cast thine dice properly; not shall they be dropped, nor placed, nor otherwise manipulated.  Givest them a ruddy good throw.  Leavest them where they fall for all to behold their wonderous profferings.  Take up and cast those that offend by being cocked, or warward upon the floor, only upon agreement with thine opponent.

13. There be'st no commandment 13.

14. Thou shall not gripe that the appaulettes on thine opponents 6mm French are the wrong shade of pink.

15. Thou shalt congratulate thine opponent for a game well played irrespective of the result.  Thou shalt shakest hands as gentlemen.

16. Thou shalt remedy thine own malodour.  There might be women present; and if not thine brethren shall appreciate not having their eyes stung by the niff.

17. Thou shalt learn the rules, in both word and spirit; and the spirit shall taketh precedent.

18. Thou shalt never keep a house free from unpainted lead.

19. The wargamers inch is the refuge of the scoundrel.

20. Thy dummy belongs in thy pram; thou shalt not cast it out.

[Dave Fielder]

One more .,.. Thou should accept a blunder with good grace

[Orcs]

Hertsblue.

As for his wife I refer you to commandment 7

7 Do not play with other people's figures without permission.   

But if his wife has a good figure and gives permission  - well thats down to your own moral judgement.   

Just remember the 11th commandment

11 Though shalt make sure your not found out 

Is the car not a 1-1 scale model, and the house a 1-1 scale piece of terrian?

[Hertsblue]

Good thinking! You're not a lawyer by any chance? 

[FierceKitty]

Good thinking! You're not a lawyer by any chance? 

Now, now. An unrepresentative 99% of lawyers unfairly get the rest a bad name.

[Hertsblue]

Now, now. An unrepresentative 99% of lawyers unfairly get the rest a bad name.

[Techno]

Now, now. An unrepresentative 99% of lawyers unfairly get the rest a bad name.

What can you mean FK.
Let's hope that well known firm of Messrs Sue, Grabbit and Runne don't start chasing you for defamation of .....erm.. ...erm... ..something or other.
Cheers - Phil.

[Orcs]

I am deeply offended by the suggestion that I might be a lawyer  .


To stop my good name and character (see note 1) being trawled through the mud, I am not any of the following:-

A Lawyer
A Used Car Salesman
An Estate agent

Note 1 :- My ex-wife might contest that I was of good character - see commandment 7, but I did get permission first 

[Techno]

  I can think of quite a few others 'J'.
Cheers - Phil.