Cheap Parrot

[Chad]

A woman went to a pet shop and immediately spotted a large, beautiful
parrot. There was a sign on the cage that said $25.00.

"Why so little?" she asked the pet store owner. The owner looked at her and
said, "Look, I should tell you first that this bird used to live  in a
house of prostitution, and  sometimes it says some pretty vulgar stuff."

The woman thought about this, but decided  she had to have the bird anyway.
She took it home and hung the bird's  cage up in her living room and waited
for it to say something.

The bird looked around the room, then at her, and said,
"New house, new madam."

The woman was a bit shocked at the implication,  but then thought "that's
really not so bad."

When her two teenage daughters returned from school,  the  bird saw them
and said, "New house, new madam, new girls."

The girls and the woman were a bit offended but then  began to laugh about
the situation  considering how and  where the parrot had been raised.

Moments later, the woman's husband Keith came home from work. The bird
looked at him and said,  "Hi Keith."

[Techno]

 

Cheers - Phil

[skywalker]

ANother oldie but goodie 

[getagrip]

 

Love it.

[CPTHilts]

Excellent😂

[Ithoriel]

Man breaks into a house and is creeping around grabbing what's worth taking when a voice says,"Jesus is watching you!"

He looks around but can't see anyone so puts it down to nerves and imagination and carries on.

"St. Peter is watching you too!" says the voice.

Thoroughly shaken, the burglar turns on his torch and scans the room and there in the corner is a parrot.

"You scared me half to death you stupid parrot," the burglar hisses.

"I'm Moses," says the parrot.

"Moses!" exclaims the burglar," what kind of twonk calls his parrot Moses?"

The parrot replies,"The sort of twonk who calls his Rotweilers Jesus and St Peter!"

[Techno]

Not bad ! 
Cheers - Phil