Google translate

[Ithoriel]

A man is told by his father that he will never get anywhere in the world unless he can read , write and speak fluent English because not enough people speak their native language. His father tells him to go to England to learn English and not to come back until he is fluent. He is soon reading fluently but he just cannot work out the seemingly random pronunciation.

Rough and bough, row, roe and though thoroughly confuse him so he enrolls in a college course and after months and months of frustration and despair eventually thinks that he has mastered the language.

Satisfied that he has mastered the language and can return home he meets his friends on the station platform and bids them a fond farewell. He steps across to the newspaper kiosk and picks up a copy of the local paper, looks horrified, produces a pistol from his pocket and shoots himself dead.

As the friends rush to his side one glances down and reads the headline,"Fete pronounced success!"

It's OK fsn, the shaggy dog is already chewing my coat

[Last Hussar]

Come friendly bombs and rain on Slough
It is time to say "Hold, Enough!"

[fsn]

 

[OldenBUA]

The Problem with Speaking English

    Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Brits.
    Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Brits.
    Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Brits.
    Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Brits.
    Germans drink beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than the Brits.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Either that or it's all the shouting that's to blame.