Urinal Protocol

[Orcs]

We all know (well the male mebers of the forum) the correct protocol to be observed using a mens public convenience. These are normally communal facilities where there is almost no privacy.

So the strict protocol below is observed

1 Do not look anyone in the eye
2 Do not look at anyones wedding tackle
3 Chose a urinal that has at least 1 empty urinal between you and the next person - This may be ignored
if at a music concert or the theatre where there is a very limited time to go.

Failure to comply with  any of the above three could bring your sexuality into question.

4 No more than three shakes at the end of a wee. more than this could constitute a w*nk
5 Zip up flies and wash hands, again avoiding all eye contact.
6 Dry your hands with Dryer or towels - At this point general man talk is allowed.


However where i work this protocol cannot be used as all of the Toilet facilities have conventional traps. Most men go into the trap and if only urinating do not bother to lock the door - after all even without the door this is far more private than if it were urinal


So why when we push a door open to see if the trap is in use and see the back of a man urinating do we feel the urge to appologise profusely. After all had it been a urinal we would have walked behind him to the next urinal but one , and got out our own equipment !

[Luddite]

If my workplace is anything to go by, your list needs some amendments.

3a.  Fart profusely, utter the phrase, 'better out than in' (it most certainly isn't).  Optional addition - giggle.

5. and or 6. are both optional, irrespective of the immediate previous activities.  This can result in following patrons being trapped in by the challenge of how to deal with the evidently soiled door handle.

[FierceKitty]

What about chatting up that cute lad from technical support?

[Orcs]

What about chatting up that cute lad from technical support?

Only if you have not observed  rules 1-3
You have a penchant for being a pederast .
You find Acne errotic 

[Nosher]

Use the ladies.

far more opportunity for chat up lines and far more hygienic.

And the rane of soaps is incredible.

[fsn]

What's the rule about using the children's urinals? I'm never quite sure if it's allowed.

[Orcs]

What's the rule about using the children's urinals? I'm never quite sure if it's allowed.

Its allowed as long as your crotch is higher than top of the childs head. So you have a clear path to the Urinal.

Should you be well endowed it is not polite to rest your member on thier head

Obviously you have to shake with more vigour to avoid dripping on thier head. This is nothing to worry about as most children of that size  are pretty revolting so any spillage on thier hair will probably not be noticed.

The three shakes rule still applies.  

[Orcs]

What's the rule about using the children's urinals? I'm never quite sure if it's allowed.

Sorry, I have just realised you meant if it was not in use.

Its perfectly acceptable to use a childs urinal if this means you can abide by rule 3

[fsn]

Excellent. I have found some parents object when I throw their children out of the way which shouting "gotta go! Gotta go!"

[ronan]

[Rob]

I can't find the rule that says a real man can pi$$ higher up the wall than the lesser males.

Should this be part of rule 3? Or should it come between 3 and 4?

[sebigboss79]

I can't find the rule that says a real man can pi$$ higher up the wall than the lesser males.

Should this be part of rule 3? Or should it come between 3 and 4?

As long as your aim is accurate.....

[Hertsblue]

Use the ladies.

far more opportunity for chat up lines and far more hygienic.

And the rane of soaps is incredible.

You reckon? Chatting to the cleaners (all female) in our building back in the day, they were adamant that the ladies' loo was regularly far messier than than the gents'.