And the jokes continue...

[Ferb]

A bloke is in a queue at the supermarket when he notices that the rather dishy blonde behind him has just raised her hand and smiled hello to him. He is rather taken aback that such a looker would be waving to him, and although familiar he can't place where he might know her from, so he says "sorry do you know me?"

She replies "I maybe mistaken, but I thought you might be the father of one of my children!"

His mind shoots back to the one and only time he has been unfaithful, he says "are you that stripogram on my stag night that I shagged on the snooker table in front of all my mates whilst your mate whipped me with some wet celery and stuck a cucumber up my rear?"

"No", she replies, "I'm your son's English Teacher".

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The first rule of Thesaurus Club is you don't talk about, mention, speak of, discuss or chat about Thesaurus Club.

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Bill walks into a post office one day to see a middle-aged man standing at the counter enthusiastically writing addresses on bright pink envelopes covered with hearts.
He then takes out a scent bottle and starts spraying perfume over them. Bill's curiosity gets the better of him and he walks over to the man and asks him what he's doing.
"I'm sending out 1,000 Valentine's Day cards signed, 'Guess who?'" says the man.
"Why on earth are you doing that?" asks Bill.
"Because I'm a divorce lawyer." replies the man.

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So I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?"
The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?"
I said, "I don't care what star sign it is."
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Three macho mice are sitting at a bar discussing just how tough they were.

The first mouse slams a shot and says:"I play with mouse traps for fun. I'll run into one on purpose and as it is closing on me, I grab the bar and bench press it 20 to 30 times." And, with that, he slams another shot.

The second mouse slams a shot and says: "That's nothing. I take those poison bait tablets, cut them up, and snort them, just for the fun of it." And, with that, he slams another shot.

The third mouse slams a shot, gets up, and turns to walk away.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" ask his friends.

The third mouse stops and replies: "It's time to go home and shag that cat."
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Two men are getting more and more relaxed in the bar on the 86th floor of the Empire State Building. They have exhausted complaints about wives and work and the world has begun to look a little rosier.
One man turns to the other and says,
"Did you know that if you jump out of this window on the south side, there's an amazing wind current that blows you gently in to floor five down below?"
"Gedoutahere!", says the other, "No way can that be true".
The other man says, "Look, I'll prove it".
He casually walks over to the window, slides aside the glass and jumps. His horrified friend rushes to the window and sees him speed down, only to disappear just before he should have smashed into the pavement.
Two minutes later the lift doors open and in walks his totally unfazed pal saying, "Told you... fifth floor, window's always open".
"That's amazing, an amazing fluke", he says, at which point he sees his pal stride to the window and throw himself out again. Two minutes later he reappears from the lift doors saying, "No Fluke, guaranteed. Now its your turn".
Excited as well as nervous, the man walks to the window, takes a few gulps of air, then jumps...
Down past the floors he flies, faster and faster, until... splaaaat, he is a crumpled mess on the pavement.
At this point the barman looks up from polishing some glasses and says, "Jeeez, you're such an asshole when you're drunk, Superman".

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[Techno]

Not bad, Ferb ! 
Cheers - Phil