Acceptable office speak

Started by Last Hussar, 03 June 2020, 06:49:35 PM

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Last Hussar

It is
An unplanned short-term temporary promotion with non-tangible reward.

It is not
Your boss shovelling his work onto you

Do say
I relish the opportunity to support my colleagues while enhancing my skillset

Don't say
Do your own fecking work you lazy bastard

It is
A development opportunity

It is not
A pain in the arse.


Thank you for your co-operation.
I have neither the time or the crayons to explain why you are wrong.

GNU PTerry

Ithoriel

You say: Thank you for this unexpected chance to improve my skill set, I'm sure you will be an invaluable source of inspiration and support

You mean: I am going to make your life hell by asking for your input on every tiny decision


You say: I realise in these straightened times that we must all step up for the good of our colleagues and the company, without thought of reward beyond a job well done

You mean: If you think the job is of no value then a valueless job is what you'll get


You say: I would like to thank you and the company for this opportunity and look forward to improving the quality and range of my skills

You mean: I'm going to put in for every training course there is, you'll be lucky to see me in the office in the next six months.


You say: In these difficult times we must learn to think outside the box

You mean:  I'm not sure how I'm going to do it yet but one way or another I'm going to prove that the sky-diving course I fancied is essential to my new responsibilities.


:) :) :) :)  :d :d :d :d :d
There are 100 types of people in the world, those who understand binary and those who can work from incomplete data

Heedless Horseman

Not quotes, but:
'Monty'..".given the appropriate resources, I believe that we can resolve this in..."
'Pattton'...".Gimmee, gimmee..."
'Adolf H'..."Of Course, you have the resources...just do your job!"
'Varus'..."Oh S**t!"

Nothing changes, much...  ;) ;D
(40 Yrs ago. I should have been an Angry Young Man... but wasn't.
Now... I am an Old B******! )  ;)

flamingpig0

"I like coffee exceedingly..."
 H.P. Lovecraft

"We don't want your stupid tanks!" 
Salah Askar,

My six degrees of separation includes Osama Bin Laden, Hitler, and Wendy James

flamingpig0

My attempt to get the phrase 'goat sucker' into a civil surface staff magazine was stymied.
"I like coffee exceedingly..."
 H.P. Lovecraft

"We don't want your stupid tanks!" 
Salah Askar,

My six degrees of separation includes Osama Bin Laden, Hitler, and Wendy James

fsn

I used to work for a company that produced (amongst other things) computer terminals.

An engineer wrote on one page of the manual "thus page unintentionally left blank" and was both shocked and horrified to find it in the printed edition.
Lord Oik of Runcorn (You may refer to me as Milord Oik)

Oik of the Year 2013, 2014; Prize for originality and 'having a go, bless him', 2015
3 votes in the 2016 Painting Competition!; 2017-2019 The Wilderness years
Oik of the Year 2020; 7 votes in the 2021 Painting Competition
11 votes in the 2022 Painting Competition (Double figures!)
2023 - the year of Gerald:
2024 Painting Competition - Runner-Up!

Lord Kermit of Birkenhead

Big blue did that all the time !
FOG IN CHANNEL - EUROPE CUT OFF
Lord Kermit of Birkenhead
Muppet of the year 2019, 2020 and 2021

Duke Speedy of Leighton

A friend worked in one of Robert Maxwell's publishing houses, the nasty man used to walk round, and at random, because he could, fire people.
One person he did that to was working on the China pages of an Atlas at the time, so his in-joke of 'Pu-Ding Basin' remained in...

The Day Maxwell died was the same week we lost Freddy Mercury, I was visiting Cambridge, and their Cinema was showing a double bill: "Drop Dead Fred" and "What About Bob?"
You may refer to me as: Your Grace, Duke Speedy of Leighton.
2016 Pendraken Painting Competion Participation Prize  (Lucky Dip Catagory) Winner

paulr

Quote from: flamingpig0 on 21 July 2020, 09:50:45 AM
My attempt to get the phrase 'goat sucker' into a civil surface staff magazine was stymied.

Perhaps a little over reach :-\

I developed a Weight Assessment Ranking Process that used a number of factors so managed to repeatedly use WARP factor in official government documentation :D
Lord Lensman of Wellington
2018 Painting Competition - Runner-Up!
2022 Painting Competition - Runner-Up!
2023 Painting Competition - Runner-Up!

flamingpig0

Quote from: paulr on 21 July 2020, 09:07:41 PM
Perhaps a little over reach :-

I developed a Weight Assessment Ranking Process that used a number of factors so managed to repeatedly use WARP factor in official government documentation :D

The Ordnance Survey had the Central Registry of Air Photos
"I like coffee exceedingly..."
 H.P. Lovecraft

"We don't want your stupid tanks!" 
Salah Askar,

My six degrees of separation includes Osama Bin Laden, Hitler, and Wendy James

fsn

In my days working for the MoD, we had the Force Recognised Tactical Picture - FRTP - AKA Fart-Pee.
Lord Oik of Runcorn (You may refer to me as Milord Oik)

Oik of the Year 2013, 2014; Prize for originality and 'having a go, bless him', 2015
3 votes in the 2016 Painting Competition!; 2017-2019 The Wilderness years
Oik of the Year 2020; 7 votes in the 2021 Painting Competition
11 votes in the 2022 Painting Competition (Double figures!)
2023 - the year of Gerald:
2024 Painting Competition - Runner-Up!

flamingpig0

Quote from: mad lemmey on 21 July 2020, 05:55:09 PM
A friend worked in one of Robert Maxwell's publishing houses, the nasty man used to walk round, and at random, because he could, fire people.

His Wikipedia entry makes him even more alarming than one might have first thought
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Robert_Maxwell#Israeli_controversy
"I like coffee exceedingly..."
 H.P. Lovecraft

"We don't want your stupid tanks!" 
Salah Askar,

My six degrees of separation includes Osama Bin Laden, Hitler, and Wendy James

Duke Speedy of Leighton

And note his daughter too...
You may refer to me as: Your Grace, Duke Speedy of Leighton.
2016 Pendraken Painting Competion Participation Prize  (Lucky Dip Catagory) Winner

Lord Kermit of Birkenhead

FOG IN CHANNEL - EUROPE CUT OFF
Lord Kermit of Birkenhead
Muppet of the year 2019, 2020 and 2021

Techno

What.. "She's" Maxwell's daughter ? :o

Hadn't taken that bit of info in. =)

Cheers - Phil