Not sure how to take this.

[Orcs]

If you're both happy with the way it is........? :-

Cheers - Phil

Well that's what I thought before Mrs Orcs said what she did. hence my confusion.

[Orcs]

weddings can be expensive. 

There are ways to reduce the cost, but If you count nephews and nieces and their growing band of kiddies I  have 50 direct family, just on my side, so even a party with a hog roast would put a big dent in the Wargaming/holiday budget.

But I seem to have escaped for another 4 years   

[paulr]

 

[Westmarcher]

Orcs, I am assuming you are asking for our genuine opinion here and not just looking for "lads bravado" comments so, brace yourself. Don't hold it against me for my straight talking here.

As some of you have probably guessed about my comments about my Ex-wife I did not have a very happy marriage.
Due to my horrible marriage I have been (and still am) very reticent of getting married again.

Who is ruling your life? You or your ex-wife?

I rule my life, I have nothing to do with my ex.  just not sure I actually want to be married again.

OK, but it looks like you just told us it's because of your horrible marriage.

I got out of it some years ago and got together with Mrs Orcs.  Who I have to say is wonderful. She puts up with my quirks, accepts that the dining room gets filled with a war gaming table that stays up for weeks if not months at a time. Does not nag etc etc.
... I have now been with Mrs Orcs for 16 years - longer than I was married, and things are great

Last weekend Mrs Orcs made an announcement  " I know its a leap year, but there will be no funny stuff from me on 29th Feb". Obviously meaning she would not be proposing marriage to me.

While I am happy with this I was not sure how to take it.

Mr Slightly confused  

Not every woman is the same, Orcs. For every guy on this forum whose marriage has failed, there is another guy who has been fortunate (and I don't mean that in a bad way for those who have been unfortunate - if it's not working, it can't be helped. That's just life. .. which can stink, sometimes). I know at least three guys whose second marriage has turned out to be the best and still lasts. Of course there is much to be said for the "if it's not broke, don't fix it" approach, but 16 years now? If you are still not sure, why? Sounds like you've got a good lady to me.
[/quote]

There are ways to reduce the cost,
But I seem to have escaped for another 4 years   

You seemed to have escaped? Ha, ha ... but seriously, you now have 4 years to save up for a nice celebration (and that will be 20 years together).    You don't need to go overboard. For example, if you can't afford it now, £10 to £20 per month and you'll have £500 - £1,000 to hire a scout hall, provide a buffet and hire a band for the reception. In fact, why not just "elope" and just announce it to everybody? You're looking for an answer to her statement about the 29th so I say, don't ask us, ask her (cautiously) what she wants, discuss it, just run the idea past her (in whatever way you think is best) of both of you getting hitched and find out what she (and you) really wants. If she's happy to continue the status quo, question answered. Just don't ask us. After all you've been together all of these years and from what you tell us, it seems to be working - unless you think it's not? [By the way, if she had asked you to marry her on the 29th, what would have been your reply?] 

Thankfully for the rest of us, the final decision is yours. All the best to you and your good lady, Orcs, whatever you decide.

Yours sincerely, in strictest confidence, along with the other 2000+ members of this forum. 

Westie
(Davy) 

p.s. btw, disappointed the season of 'Endeavour' has finished so soon, but, so far, quite like the replacement, 'McDonald & Dodds.' Like the Dodds character - reminds me of my own experience dealing with these young "know it alls" who thought if you were old you were stupid.

[Orcs]

HI Davy

No problem with "straight talking" I cannot stand beating about the bush.

Mrs Orcs is an absolute diamond and I would like to grow old with her, so had she asked the answer would have been yes.

It just that your feelings and logic do not always follow the same path. hence my reticence when the word "marriage" is mentioned.  What we currently have is exactly the same as marriage but without the piece of paper. Financial provision has been made for both of us and wills written.

Paying for it would not really be an issue- sorting out who to invite and how many might be.  Eloping and announcing later would be disappointing to most of the family as I think they would like to see us married.

Mrs Orcs previously has always maintained that she cannot see why we need to get married and is happy to maintain the status quo, hence my confusion when she made her statement.  It did not fit in to any previous conversation of the past 16 years.