Pendraken Miniatures Forum
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
06 December 2019, 12:19:23 AM

Login with username, password and session length
Search:     Advanced search
Blitzkrieg Commander IV is now available here!
287322 Posts in 17088 Topics by 2193 Members
Latest Member: Howardqpr
* Home Help Search Calendar Login Register
+  Pendraken Miniatures Forum
|-+  Non-Wargaming Discussion
| |-+  Fun Stuff
| | |-+  Jokes
« previous next »
Pages: [1] Go Down Print
Author Topic: Jokes  (Read 877 times)
Orcs
Major General
*
Posts: 3989

Thread Derailment Specialist


« on: 21 October 2019, 11:42:07 AM »

Sunjester sent me some jokes, but out of the 13 jokes these are all I can post here.

The others were much better, but so un PC even I am censoring them.  Cheesy

Due to a water shortage Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.

I got a letter from Screwfix Direct Thanking me for my interest , but explaining they were not a dating agency.  ( For non-UK readers Screw Fix is a hardware supplier)

Such an unfair world. When a man talks dirty to a woman its sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man it's £2.50 a minute (charges may vary)

Just booked a table for Valentines day for me and the wife (yes FK I know it should be my wife and I). Bound to end in tears though - she's crap at snooker

If you get an email telling you you can catch swine flu from tins of ham then delete it - Its Spam.
 
« Last Edit: 21 October 2019, 12:22:04 PM by Orcs » Logged

My aim in life is to P*ss off one person a day.  Currently I am 3 years  1 month  and 23 days ahead of schedule.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten. -Mencken, H. L.

We are all above the line of normality. Its just we all draw the line at a different level
FierceKitty
General
*
Posts: 9827


The dog is a peasant. The cat is a gentleman.


« Reply #1 on: 21 October 2019, 12:09:57 PM »

No, your version is considerably better than the alleged correction.
Logged

I have not the pleasure of understanding you. Of what are you talking?
Techno
Count
*******
*
*
Posts: 18689



« Reply #2 on: 21 October 2019, 12:23:35 PM »

Nice ones, Mark.

I'll have to admit I had to think about one of them for a few seconds !  Embarrassed

Cheers - Phil Smiley
Logged

FSN IS an oik...I wonder when he'll change his signature again . :-)
Techno....AND STILL.....The most picked on member of the forum since 2011
ianrs54
Playtester
Lieutenant General
*
Posts: 7077



WWW
« Reply #3 on: 21 October 2019, 12:32:17 PM »

Get out
Logged

FOG IN CHANNEL - EUROPE CUT OFF HURRAY

Muppet of the year 2019
mmcv
Major
*
Posts: 668


« Reply #4 on: 21 October 2019, 06:17:51 PM »

No, your version is considerably better than the alleged correction.

If would only be "my wife and I" if it was at the start of the statement, "me" is the correct usage here as far as I'm aware. Way I always remember it is if you take the other person out of the statement does it still make sense?

So just as you wouldn't say "me just booked a table" and " just booked a table for I" thus you shouldn't say "me and the wife booked a table" or "booked a table for the wife and I". Or so the grammar police say.

Me/myself are fairly interchangeable.
Logged
mad lemmey
Marquis
********
*
*
Posts: 20026



« Reply #5 on: 21 October 2019, 08:02:32 PM »

Man walks into a pub with a screwdriver over his held "This is not a drill."
Logged

Chekov's Gun, Occam's Razor, and Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle walk into a bar. You won't believe what happens next!

2016 Pendraken Painting Competion Participation Prize  (Lucky Dip Catagory) Winner 😎
mad lemmey
Marquis
********
*
*
Posts: 20026



« Reply #6 on: 21 October 2019, 08:03:42 PM »

When Phillips first invented the crossbar screwdriver, was it all 'torque'!
Logged

Chekov's Gun, Occam's Razor, and Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle walk into a bar. You won't believe what happens next!

2016 Pendraken Painting Competion Participation Prize  (Lucky Dip Catagory) Winner 😎
mollinary
Brigadier
*
Posts: 2941


« Reply #7 on: 21 October 2019, 09:34:01 PM »

When Phillips first invented the crossbar screwdriver, was it all 'torque'!

Who’s been watching “Only Connect” then?  Wink Wink
Logged
mad lemmey
Marquis
********
*
*
Posts: 20026



« Reply #8 on: 22 October 2019, 06:59:26 AM »

Me
Logged

Chekov's Gun, Occam's Razor, and Heisenberg's Uncertainty Principle walk into a bar. You won't believe what happens next!

2016 Pendraken Painting Competion Participation Prize  (Lucky Dip Catagory) Winner 😎
Orcs
Major General
*
Posts: 3989

Thread Derailment Specialist


« Reply #9 on: 22 October 2019, 07:46:09 AM »

Who’s been watching “Only Connect” then?  Wink Wink

There are a couple of reasons to watch "Only Connect", I wonder what they are ?  Evil

Logged

My aim in life is to P*ss off one person a day.  Currently I am 3 years  1 month  and 23 days ahead of schedule.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten. -Mencken, H. L.

We are all above the line of normality. Its just we all draw the line at a different level
fsn
General
*
Posts: 8739



« Reply #10 on: 22 October 2019, 11:49:47 AM »

She will always be Victoria Coren to me ... that two-bit so called comedian isn't good enough for her!   Angry
Logged

Lord Oik of Runcorn
(You may refer to me as Milord Oik)

Oik of the Year 2013
Oik of the Year 2014
Prize for originality and 'having a go, bless him', 2015
3 votes in the 2016 Painting Competition!

15mm is dead. It just doesn't know it yet.
Orcs
Major General
*
Posts: 3989

Thread Derailment Specialist


« Reply #11 on: 09 November 2019, 12:42:24 AM »

She will always be Victoria Coren to me ... that two-bit so called comedian isn't good enough for her!   Angry

Just because you want to play with her puppies!!
Logged

My aim in life is to P*ss off one person a day.  Currently I am 3 years  1 month  and 23 days ahead of schedule.

The cynics are right nine times out of ten. -Mencken, H. L.

We are all above the line of normality. Its just we all draw the line at a different level
fsn
General
*
Posts: 8739



« Reply #12 on: 09 November 2019, 08:49:01 AM »

 Embarrassed
Logged

Lord Oik of Runcorn
(You may refer to me as Milord Oik)

Oik of the Year 2013
Oik of the Year 2014
Prize for originality and 'having a go, bless him', 2015
3 votes in the 2016 Painting Competition!

15mm is dead. It just doesn't know it yet.
Pages: [1] Go Up Print 
« previous next »
Jump to:  

Powered by MySQL Powered by PHP Powered by SMF 1.1.21 | SMF © 2015, Simple Machines Valid XHTML 1.0! Valid CSS!